If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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