I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
