I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
