after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
