Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
A+ Viking dick
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
