PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
