were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize