I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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