i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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