I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
