There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
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He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
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You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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