Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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