Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
