i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
