I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
