she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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