could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
