It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
