ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
