Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
