that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
