The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
