What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
