We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
