i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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