he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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