totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
