dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
