Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
