just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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