Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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