I accidentally had phone sex last night
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
