You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
