Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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