things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
