I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
