Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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