ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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