Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
