Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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