It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
