my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
