so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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