Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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