I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
