he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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