I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
