Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
