Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
