You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.