I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
