I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
