life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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