This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
