the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
