That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
