How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
