We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
