never play flip cup with pint glasses
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
